Preparations for Pesach for Women - Rabbi Menachem Mendel Harel shlita

00:02 Speaker 1 You’re listening to “Lema’an Yishme’u,” a podcast from Machon Halacha Chabad.

00:09 Speaker 2 Selling chametz. A woman who lives alone, too, as soon as she has a home, possessions, and a domain of her own, needs to arrange the sale of chametz properly. More than once, on Erev Pesach, I’ve received questions about various chametz products that people put away in a cupboard but forgot to include in the sale of chametz through the rabbi. That is a serious problem, because the chametz we deliberately put away is not nullified by saying Kol Chamira: we did not intend to nullify it; we intended to keep it. If it was not sold to a non-Jew, it remains chametz in a Jew’s possession. Men and women alike are warned, “No chametz shall be seen in your possession, and no chametz shall be found within any of your borders for seven days.” If someone forgot to arrange the sale of chametz, the halacha is that they must immediately throw all that chametz in the trash and relinquish ownership of it. So a woman who lives alone, for whatever reason, must also arrange the sale of chametz. Doing so is very simple: you go to a rabbi. Usually, the rabbi has set hours when he sees people for the sale of chametz, and it is arranged there. Today, it can also be done online by filling out a form or sending an email. Machon Halacha Chabad also arranges the sale of chametz through an online form designed for this purpose. A woman who lives alone should therefore arrange the sale so that no question arises for her on Pesach, because sometimes it can be a very, very difficult challenge. Our Sages established that any place we want to enter on Pesach must be checked for chametz. Again, this enactment applies to men and women alike. So a woman who lives alone, or whose husband is not home on Erev Pesach for whatever reason—whether a happy reason

02:54 Speaker 2 or an even happier one—must conduct the search for chametz. A room that will be closed throughout Pesach, whose chametz has been sold to a non-Jew, and which no one intends to enter during Pesach does not need to be checked. But the bedroom, living room, and kitchen must be checked for chametz. So when the responsibility for checking on Erev Pesach falls to a woman—as mentioned, this is generally when she is alone at home—she must indeed carry out the search properly. On the evening of the fourteenth, the night between 13 and 14 Nissan, after nightfall, she takes a candle, a feather, a wooden spoon, and a paper bag, recites the blessing, “Who has sanctified us with His commandments and commanded us concerning the search for chametz,” and checks for chametz. Where do we check? There is no need to search between the gaps in the floor tiles. You have cleaned those thoroughly; there is no chametz there. The search for chametz was instituted for holes and crevices—that is, places where someone might put chametz and forget it is there. That means shelves, drawers, and under beds. Of course, care is needed when checking under a bed; it is better to move the bed, check that spot, and then move the bed back. Check cupboards we will use on Pesach, bags we will use on Pesach, and clothes we will wear on Pesach. All these places need to be checked for chametz. By candlelight, as I said, we check all the places within reach, from top to bottom and bottom to top: drawers, shelves, behind beds, and of course pantries, kitchen cupboards, wardrobes, and bookcases. We use all these places with chametz throughout the year, and we want to use them on Pesach too. Bags and clothes are not checked on the night of the search for chametz; they are checked during the day, before the disposal of chametz. After the woman has checked all the rooms, passageways, and so

06:08 Speaker 2 on, she puts the pieces of chametz away in the bag, along with any chametz she found. If chametz is being left to eat the next day, that too is closed up in a container, and everything is put aside in one place so that none of it gets scattered. She then says the first Kol Chamira, thereby relinquishing ownership of any chametz she did not find. After the search for chametz—and this also concerns a woman who, thank G-d, is married and lives with her husband and children, may they all live long and good lives—we must take care from then on not to carry chametz around areas that have been checked. If the children, or we ourselves, men or women, walk around the house holding a piece of pita or a piece of wafer, everything will have to be checked again. That is why the instruction is to keep the chametz in one place, preferably in a designated spot outside the home. Today, thank G-d, every home has an entrance. Put the remaining chametz in a box at the entrance, and if you need to eat chametz, you can eat it there. Or keep it in the place being sold to the non-Jew—but don’t carry it around the house. The chametz stays put in that place until the next morning, when the chametz is burned, what is called biur chametz. It is very important, and highly recommended, to check that night when the deadline for eating chametz is the next day, and when the deadline for disposing of chametz is, so that you are prepared to finish eating chametz on time and fulfill the mitzvah of disposing of it at the proper time. Don’t leave it late. If there are pets in the home, such as fish, birds, and so on, you need to make sure to buy them food that is kosher for Pesach. Today, any pet-food store should have kosher-for-Pesach food. Check that it has certification from a recognized rabbinic authority so that we can feed the animals on Pesach. Therefore, also

08:57 Speaker 2 clean the animals’ cages before Pesach and make sure no chametz remains from what they were given yesterday or the day before. Include the animals’ chametz food in the sale of chametz. From the time of the search for chametz onward, give animals only food that is kosher for Pesach. Animals do not need to follow the stringencies we do; they can eat kitniyos. There is no problem with their eating seeds, nuts, rice, or whatever other things fall into that category. There is no problem with animals eating those foods, provided they have at least basic kosher-for-Pesach certification. We can start cooking for the Seder well before Pesach. But in most homes, chametz remains in the house—sometimes until the search for chametz, sometimes until a day or two before—so it is very hard to start Pesach cooking before the house is clear of chametz and no one is carrying it around. Take the simplest example: a young child comes in with the pita he was eating outside because he has just had a fight with his brother, while his mother is in the middle of cutting up an ingredient for the Pesach cooking. So cooking needs to begin at a point when it is clear that we can start cooking for Pesach without any chametz, G-d forbid, unexpectedly entering the area. At the same time, one of the very, very important things—especially when we are speaking to women, mothers, and sisters—during this period of preparing for Pesach is to do everything we can, despite all the pressure, to remain calm and convey that calm to the children. We are doing a mitzvah. We are preparing for the festival, the season of our freedom. We want to feel that freedom during the preparations as well as during the festival itself. So when we act under pressure, shouting and getting upset because a child has done something, and make a huge fuss out of that terrible pressure, it takes away the desire as well

11:53 Speaker 2 For a mother, for a sister, and especially for a child who doesn’t understand what is being asked of him. So alongside all the preparations and precautions, the greatest care we need to take on Pesach is to preserve the joy and the freedom. It is “the season of our freedom,” and that freedom is in the soul. That is also why I recommend starting the cooking closer to Pesach, when chametz is no longer around. It is important—even worthwhile—to explain this to the children a Shabbos or two beforehand, to start preparing them and tell them: With Hashem’s help, Pesach is almost here. We are all going into this stretch of cooking and preparations together, and everyone needs to be careful and pay attention. Being careful and paying attention does not mean shouting at one another. It means directing ourselves properly, and guiding others—our brothers and sisters and the children—in the right way. When we talk about it ahead of time, the children know and understand what lies ahead. They also learn how to behave, and if we do need to correct them, they accept it much better. But above all, we should say these things not as criticism or scolding, but in a way that sheds light and draws their attention to it: “Sweetheart, we’ve started cooking for Pesach now. We’ve bought the products for the Seder, so we don’t bring chametz into this area anymore.” Say it once or twice, and it sinks in. Certainly, we should not impose sanctions or punishments, or do the harsh things one sometimes hears about children experiencing during Pesach preparations. That takes all the joy out of preparing for Pesach—for them and for their parents. This is a very important point before we even begin discussing the cooking, the stringencies, the practices, and so on. Everything has to come from the understanding that we are heading toward the season of our freedom, a time of joy. The preparation, too, needs to be

14:18 Speaker 2 calm and joyful. And we should remember that, ultimately, the One who helps is Hakadosh Boruch Hu. We do the preparation; Hakadosh Boruch Hu gives us the help from Heaven to make it turn out as it should. Pesach cooking should be done with great joy, while making sure it is done properly and that there is no concern about any chametz getting mixed into the food. Of course, it goes without saying that the products must have reliable, high-standard kosher certification for Pesach. We do not use any kind of kitniyos on Pesach, even if they have such certification. Nor do we use the spice called cumin on Pesach, even if it has such certification. We also do not use oils made from kitniyos. As a rule, our practice is to peel every food item before eating or cooking it on Pesach. Whether it is a potato, a carrot, or any other food item, we peel it before using it for Pesach, so that there is no question or concern about a possible problem. It is true that not everyone observes all the customs we observe. But we follow the customs handed down among Chabad chassidim from generation to generation, including the practice of peeling every food item before eating or cooking it. A very important, fundamental Chabad custom, explicitly recorded, is that on Pesach we do not offer someone else food. We place it before them, and they can take it if they wish. There is also a custom, observed not only in Chabad but in many Jewish communities, for families not to eat at one another’s homes on Pesach. This helps preserve each family’s own Pesach customs. Of course, someone who cannot prepare what they need for Pesach on their own, or someone who is alone and has no way to make a Seder by themselves, can certainly be a guest for Pesach with friends

17:39 Speaker 2 and acquaintances. They should just make sure beforehand that those friends and acquaintances follow the same Pesach practices they do. At the same time, it is very important not to take on customs of our own invention, because sometimes invented customs lead only to mistakes or, G-d forbid, harm. There is a well-known story. This isn’t a storytelling class, but to illustrate the point, I’ll tell this familiar Jewish story. There was a man who ate only nuts throughout Pesach. At the Seder, he ate the required matzah—the kezayis portions one is obligated to eat at the Seder—but apart from that, he ate nothing on Pesach except nuts. This man lived on the estate of a certain landowner. The landowner was very fond of the Jew and greatly respected his custom of eating nuts throughout Pesach. He would personally set aside a large sack of nuts for him to eat during Pesach. And indeed, every year the Jew would come to the landowner, who would wish him well for the holiday and give him a sack of nuts for Pesach. Years passed, the landowner died, and his son took his place. As Pesach approached, the Jew came to the landowner’s son—his heir, so to speak—and received a sack of nuts for Pesach. After Pesach, the Jew met the son and said, “Thank you very much for the nuts you gave me.” The new landowner asked, “How were the nuts?” He replied, “Listen, the nuts were fine, but as a friend I have to tell you that the nuts your father used to give me were much tastier.” The son said, “I’ll tell you the truth. My father was very fond of you, much more than I am, and so several months before Pesach he would soak the nuts in beer

20:23 Speaker 2 to give them a good flavor. I don’t like—like you quite as much as my father did.” When the Jew heard that, he nearly fainted, as they say. For all his stringencies, it turned out that for years he had been eating nuts on Pesach, but those nuts were—well, they were chametz nuts, beer-soaked nuts. So which stringencies should one observe? What is appropriate, what is not, and what is unnecessary? Each woman should consult her mashpia and the Rabbi who guides her family to determine whether it is right for them to adopt a particular custom, and so on. On Pesach, one may eat any natural products with reliable, high-standard kosher certification for Pesach. That includes carrots, potatoes, all kinds of vegetables, and all kinds of fruit. There is no problem eating them on Pesach. Many people have avoided consuming commercially produced products on Pesach. But today, first of all, most products sold are commercially produced. Second, there are now very high-standard kosher certifications even for basic commercially produced products. So anyone can—and preferably should—buy products with reliable, high-standard certification, rather than trying to buy things on the assumption that they are natural and therefore pose no concern, without Pesach certification. On the other hand, it is true that many families in our community try to limit their use of products beyond the Pesach basics as much as possible. But as I said earlier, does every family’s practice suit every other family? That is a question for each family to discuss with the Rabbi and mashpia who guide them. Sometimes a family really can manage on Pesach with just potatoes, carrots, eggs, poultry or meat, and, of course, matzah. For another family, that does not work; they need more. And if those other products have good, high-standard certification, why not? It may be the older members of the household, the younger ones, or the little children who cannot manage with that practice

23:38 Speaker 2 This can lead to a chain of practices and eating habits that are really problematic for Pesach. I’m putting it gently, because I’ve heard about various cases. That’s why I strongly urge every family to pay attention to which practices are right for them. Some things are clear to everyone: we do not eat kitniyos on Pesach in any form. And there is certainly no need to buy unnecessary products for Pesach. But between what is unnecessary and what is needed, there is a very wide range. As I said, every family should consult their mashpia and their rabbi to determine what is right for them—how to handle all the foods, practices, stringencies and hiddurim observed on Pesach. At the same time, young couples in particular need to be careful not to impose their practices on each other. Sometimes a wife comes from a home with many stringencies, while her husband’s family did not observe all of them. Sometimes it is the husband who comes with many stringencies, while the wife’s family did not observe them. Then unnecessary tension begins to develop—and it really is unnecessary. Neither of them eats chametz at home; both eat food prepared to the highest standards. So whether they eat a particular product, whether they eat avocado or not, or anything of that sort, it is very important to talk it through together and reach a shared understanding, as I said, with the rabbi or mashpia, rather than get into situations that undermine shalom bayis, with arguments and the like. Again, this is not a class for telling stories, but I have to give you a sense of this with a story. They tell of a young couple who once came to a rabbi, firmly requesting a divorce. The rabbi was astonished. Their wedding had not been long ago. Everyone had been happy at their wedding, and so had they. What had happened? Just a few Shabbosos later, they already wanted to divorce? What was it? Well, the rabbi told

26:25 Speaker 2 them to sit down. “What is it? Tell me what happened.” The husband said, “I don’t want to live with a woman who doesn’t follow Jewish custom.” The wife immediately stood up and declared just as firmly, “And I’m not willing to live with a husband who violates Jewish customs.” Hearing this, the rabbi became very alarmed. He was sure he was about to hear the worst things he had ever heard. He said, “Calm down. I want to hear what happened. Which customs does each of you claim the other has violated, to the point that you want a divorce?” The husband immediately got up and said, “Every Shabbos, the custom in my father’s home was to eat noodle kugel at the beginning of the meal. My wife absolutely refuses to serve me noodle kugel at the beginning of the meal, because she says her father ate potato kugel at the end of the meal, but not noodle kugel. I don’t want to live with a woman who violates customs that are a foundation of the sanctity of the Jewish people.” The wife immediately stood her ground and said, “And I don’t want to live with a husband who thinks my father was a non-Jew who didn’t observe Jewish customs. Kugel is eaten only at the end of the meal.” The rabbi listened to their claims. First of all, he was upset. All right, you don’t need to use chrein; lettuce leaves are enough. The amount of lettuce should be close to twenty grams. Usually, one large leaf contains that amount. It is worth measuring the amounts before Pesach. Of course, the lettuce needs to be washed well before Pesach, following the instructions: rinse it in water, soak it in soapy water, then rinse it thoroughly, and wipe and dry it well before the Seder night. Since we eat it and put it on the table together with the matzos, and we are very, very careful about gebrokts, as we will discuss later, with Hashem’s help, it needs to be wiped off and dry.

32:54 Speaker 2 As I said, in a family with men, the custom is to eat chrein together with the maror, the lettuce. The chrein is grated thoroughly on the day before Yom Tov, using a grater or something similar. The general recommendation is to do this in some kind of closed appliance, like a blender, because grating it releases a great deal of very sharp fumes. Some make a point of sealing the chrein tightly after grating it so it does not lose its sharpness. But it is understood that our Rebbeim were not particular about keeping it in a sealed container. In any case, since it is prepared on the day before Yom Tov, it will generally stay sharp until the evening without a problem. Charoses is made from apples, pears and nuts. Some use only apples and nuts. Wine is not added yet. The wine is added only on Seder night, immediately before dipping the maror into the charoses. I mean the maror eaten on its own, not the maror for korech. For korech, our custom is to leave out even the wine so there will be no concern about gebrokts. For karpas, the custom is to use either a cooked potato or a raw onion. Generally, the men use raw onion and the women use potato, and of course the children use potato as well. These are the things that need to be ready for the Seder plate. As for the Seder night meal, of course shulchan orech should be a lavish meal. There should be fish and salads, meat and chicken. The only restriction on cooking for Seder night is that we do not eat roasted chicken or roasted meat at the Seder—only cooked meat and chicken—so it should not look as though, G-d forbid, we are eating from a Pesach offering outside the Beis Hamikdash. May Hakadosh Boruch Hu help us, with Hashem’s help, to merit already this year

35:54 Speaker 2 to eat from the Pesach offering in Jerusalem, an offering brought in the Beis Hamikdash in accordance with halachah. But as long as we are still in the time before the true and complete Geulah, the only restriction on preparing food for Seder night is no roasted meat or roasted chicken—only cooked meat and chicken. On Erev Pesach, meaning the day on which the Seder night will begin, we do not eat the special foods that go on the Seder plate. Which foods? Apples, nuts and pears, which are used for charoses, lettuce and chrein. Of course, it is forbidden by halachah to eat matzah on Erev Pesach, but the other foods are permitted. Wine may be drunk, and eggs and potatoes may be eaten. Only the foods I mentioned earlier may not be eaten on the day before Seder night, which is called Erev Pesach.