Radio Kol Mevaser - a Chassidic program for the women of Kfar Chabad and additional absorption areas: a teaching from the Rebbetzin on the subject of household management

00:01 Good evening. The events of the past few weeks have made us think a great deal about spiritual matters. Many questions are being asked, quietly and aloud, and many things that had been in the background of our thoughts have moved to the center: the resurrection of the dead, Moshiach, the Rebbe shlita, the near and distant future. The Rebbetzin, of blessed memory, who was a mysterious figure to most of us, is emerging in these days through the stories we read and hear as a woman of rare strength. One point stands out in all the stories that have reached us so far: her complete self-effacement before her husband, to the very end. The extraordinary devotion she showed the Rebbe shlita has led many of us to look inward and examine ourselves. As a woman, how do I contribute to and foster peace in my home, my own Beis Hamikdash? What should I take from all these stories? I would like to share with you a few ideas I heard from wise people on this subject. Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski of Pittsburgh related the following: “A hundred years ago, if you had gathered a group of people and told them that exactly a hundred years later, the world would change so much that it would be hard to believe—diseases like polio, tuberculosis, pneumonia, and other serious illnesses that kill many adults and children would no longer pose a threat to life, thanks to injections and remarkable medicines. If you were cold, you could press a button and get warm. If you were too hot, you could press another button and the house would cool down. The sun goes down and it’s dark? Flip a switch and the house lights up in an instant. Want to bake? The oven turns on in a second. Food for the baby? In moments you have puréed food. Dirty laundry? At the push of a button, all the laundry gets washed with no effort on your part. What would those people have thought? There are two possibilities,” Rabbi Twerski said. “One group would have thought you were crazy, that you had completely lost your mind. None of it makes sense. It’s impossible that such miracles could happen in a hundred years. The second group might have thought, maybe, maybe it could happen. But

03:02 in a world like the one you described, people would be happy, joyful, and at peace. So many hardships would be lifted from them. It would be a veritable paradise.” Rabbi Manis Friedman, the director of Bais Chana in Minnesota, whose words were recently translated in the Kfar Chabad newspaper, explained that the present time is a very difficult one. In all previous generations, if a Jew had a problem, he would turn to rabbis and elders. “Ask your father and he will tell you, your elders and they will say to you.” Because they were closer to the Giving of the Torah, and because of their experience, they knew how to advise and help. But today the situation is reversed. We are drawing very close to the coming of Moshiach, to the end of exile, and we are the closest. Our elders and fathers do not know about this, because they have not lived through it. The Rebbe shlita once said that if we knew how close we were to the coming of Moshiach, we would simply dance in the streets. And at this time, which has no precedent in history, there are unprecedented problems. The kelipah, the impurity in the world, is straining to prevent and obstruct the things that are most necessary and important. Because peace, unity, and Ahavas Yisroel are so important in our time as preparation for Moshiach, the yetzer hara and Satan are working hard to bring about all kinds of strange situations that create division and hatred—the opposite of peace in the home. After all, it begins in each Jew’s own home. These forces are trying hard to make the people we cannot live without the hardest people to live with. There were problems of peace in the home in earlier generations too, between husband and wife and between parents and children, but not on today’s scale. Back then, tension was usually the result of severe problems: lack of food, illness, difficult lives. Today, even where there seems to be no logical reason for it, we find homes lacking peace. This shows that the cause comes from outside. There is an enemy that wants to destroy that peace, and we must be wise enough to recognize and understand the cause and act appropriately. Rabbi Friedman suggests

06:12 that one cause of problems in the home is the direct influence of the non-Jewish world, where breaking up a marriage is not considered such a serious matter. For us, it is different. One’s spouse is a matter of Divine Providence, and we must not say things like, “What would have happened if…,” “If only I had waited a little…,” or “If it had been someone else…” Jewish faith holds that everything, even the smallest thing, happens only through Hashem’s Providence. How much more so something as consequential as marriage. Our focus, therefore, should be on working, seeking advice, and taking action to increase peace in the family, because this, too, brings the Geulah closer. Rabbi Friedman spoke with us at length about marriage and peace in the home, and of course there is no room here to go into great detail. But I want to tell you one point I heard many years ago that has proved especially true. He said that, in essence, the needs of a husband and wife are very basic and clear, and knowing them can have a positive effect on peace in the family. A husband wants admiration from his wife, while a wife wants appreciation from her husband. If we always remember this and resolve to work on it right away, we will see an immediate reward and also bring the whole world closer to the unity and peace that will bring the Redeemer. We do have many things that make life easier: air conditioning, cars, electricity, dishwashers, washing machines, diapers, sewing machines, and what have you. Yet there is still much bitterness and dissatisfaction, and far too many cases in which peace in the home is lacking. In his recent sichos, the Rebbe shlita instructed us: “The living should take it to heart.” In the stories about the Rebbetzin, we find a woman who honored her husband in every circumstance, who hid her pain from him and did everything she could to avoid causing him any distress. Let us learn from the Rebbetzin’s ways to be women worthy of the title “A woman of valor is the crown of her husband,” with the coming of our righteous Moshiach very soon indeed.