Rabbi Peretz Chen | Are the children hungry? Bothering you? Making a mess? - 4 tips for a pleasant and relaxed Pesach preparation

00:00 Hello, everyone. Pesach is approaching fast, and the preparations and organizing at home are picking up speed—along with the pressure. Naturally, the atmosphere at home can become tense, and of course that sometimes makes things unpleasant. Imagine what happens when, in a room we’ve already cleaned and put in order, we suddenly discover that one of the children decided to eat there, opened a package of wafers, and left crumbs all over the room. It’s so frustrating it can drive you out of your mind. Or there are the children who seem to be hungry all the time, when we don’t have the time, the headspace, or the patience to make them a proper dinner or lunch. We’re under pressure to finish all our tasks before Pesach, and time is passing. Or there are the little children who want so badly to help, and keep asking to help, but their help only gets in the way. So what do we do? How do we handle this properly? How do we find the right balance? Above all, there’s something that can really trouble us: we don’t want Pesach and the preparations for it to be etched in their memories as an unpleasant, difficult time, a time when home wasn’t enjoyable. So what can we do to help ourselves get through the situations I’ve just mentioned in the best, healthiest, most pleasant and sensible way possible? Today’s class was inspired by the wonderful discussion yesterday in the class WhatsApp group. You sent in all kinds of questions, and these subjects came up too. It was really special. Thank you so much to everyone who took part. The excellent questions asked there undoubtedly helped every participant. So let’s begin. We’ll go through each point slowly and see how to handle it as well as possible. So, the first point

02:31 I opened with: the children leave crumbs. Again, it really is frustrating. Even when it isn’t Pesach, it’s frustrating to find crumbs in a room we’ve cleaned, but during the rest of the year we just clean them up. Here, though, it’s a matter of chametz. We don’t want even a crumb of chametz there. So how can we avoid it? First of all, we know that sealing off the rooms completely isn’t realistic. Deciding that a room will stay locked until Pesach sounds like a good idea, but in practice it doesn’t work so well. And constantly standing guard to make sure no one enters certain rooms—that’s not a kind of household regime we’ll be able to keep up, either. So here’s a very simple, very practical suggestion: let’s decide that from now until after Pesach, we’ll try to buy as many products for the house as possible that are kosher for Pesach. The snacks people eat around the house can be kosher for Pesach. Nowadays, there are cookies—everything is available kosher for Pesach. So let’s try to buy as many kosher-for-Pesach things as we can. Then, even if one of the children eats something in a room we’ve already cleaned, there may be crumbs, but we can clean those up. We won’t be stressed that the room now has chametz in it and is no longer ready for Pesach. The pressure throughout the house will be much lower, because we won’t have to worry that someone will slip into a room with a chametz biscuit. Our stress will go down, and naturally theirs will too. Even if something goes wrong, it won’t be such a big mishap that it drives us out of our minds. So this is a simple, practical solution—one that works best in real life. Another thing I mentioned earlier: a child wants to help. They want to help; they see everyone else helping. But their help

04:46 may do more harm than good. If we have them start washing the cabinets, all the cabinets will end up covered in water. If we have them organize the books on the shelves, they’ll just take the books out without putting them back and make a mess. So what can we do? On the one hand, we want the little children to feel part of it, to feel that they too are helping and taking part. On the other hand, we don’t want anything damaged. Here, too, there’s a simple, easy solution: take some toys. Many homes have plastic toys, like magnetic tiles—pieces of plastic that aren’t easily damaged. Ask the children, “You wash the toys. Clean them for Pesach.” Give them a particular spot in the house, or in the yard if you have one, along with a bowl of water and a scrubbing sponge. They can wash and scrub those plastic pieces. That way they feel that they’re helping and cleaning, and they get to play with water and sponges and all of that. At the same time, we can relax, because there’s not much they can damage. What could happen—a piece of plastic, a toy gets ruined? These things aren’t made of gold or metal. So if we do it this way, give them this job, and praise and encourage them for the wonderful work they’ve done, we’ve gained all around. They feel they’ve helped, we’ve spared ourselves damage, and everything has worked out well. Another thing we regularly encounter when preparing the house for Pesach with children is that the children are on vacation and they’re hungry. They want to eat, and often we don’t have the time or headspace to start putting together a meal for them—to cook dishes and make a whole production of it. We don’t have the time or patience, because we’re under pressure to clean the rooms and get everything organized. So what can we

07:03 do about this, so that, on the one hand, they won’t be so hungry and, on the other, it won’t demand an effort we don’t have the patience for right now? Here, too, there’s a simple, practical solution that can help a great deal: make sure that during this period, there are foods at home that can be prepared quickly. During the rest of the year, we may not be enthusiastic about heating up frozen foods and other quick meals. We’re not keen on bringing instant meals into our homes. True. But when a pressured period like this arrives, bodily health, important as it is, isn’t the only consideration. There’s emotional well-being too. Neither we nor the children will feel at ease when they’re hungry and want us to give them something tasty to eat, and we don’t have the time. That will affect everyone’s calm and peace of mind. So it’s worth doing. In life, we sometimes have to weigh one thing against another and ask which takes priority. We can decide that, during this period, even a household that isn’t usually keen on frozen, ready-made foods that only need to be heated in the oven will make more room for them. Then we won’t need to spend much time preparing food, the children will eat and won’t be hungry, a redeemer will come to Zion, and calm will return to our home. Again, it’s true that we’re not always happy to have these foods in our homes. People prefer home-cooked food—meatballs in sauce, freshly made rice and potatoes, and all sorts of things that are much healthier. Of course that’s preferable; it’s certainly our first choice. But right now, when we don’t always have the headspace for it, we have to work with what we have. We’ll also use things that are quick to prepare, perhaps a little less healthy for the body, but our emotional well-being

09:17 That’s important too, and it can really help at this time. There’s another central point that may be worrying us: We don’t want our children to remember Pesach as an unpleasant holiday because they saw all the preparations accompanied by stress, anger, frayed nerves, and a bad atmosphere at home. We don’t want that to be the memory that stays with them. So it’s very important to bring in as many things as we can that will make them remember it as something special. For example, let’s say we have daily tasks. What are we doing each day? We spoke two weeks ago about how important it is to make a chart and plan ahead for the holiday preparations. It really changes the picture. So we have a daily plan, and we know which tasks need to be done today and which ones the children can do, according to their ages and abilities. We tell them that at the end of the day they’ll get something special. Then we bring out ice cream we bought, or we pick up little toys and knickknacks that children usually like at a discount store, and surprise them with those. They’ll see that during this period, unlike the rest of the year, they get treats, something tasty, or a fun little game at the end of the day. Do we normally bring out sweets and treats for them every day? No. But now we do. We’ve finished the day’s tasks; now let’s sit down and enjoy this together. That will make all these Pesach preparations stay in their memory as an enjoyable, special time, a time when they get things they don’t get during the rest of the year. How much can that help? How much can it change the picture? How much can it help them remember Pesach and its preparations as a pleasant time of year? And so, the point is—

11:36 The common thread in everything we’ve discussed is that we need to think carefully about what we can do to keep tension in the house to a minimum. So during this period, the food and snacks we buy should, as much as possible, be only things that are kosher for Pesach. If the children leave crumbs in places we’ve already cleaned, it’s not the end of the world. It’s really no big deal. Children are hungry all the time, so we’ll try to have things on hand that are quick to prepare, and that will solve the hunger problem. They want to help, but their help can get in the way? Then let’s give them tasks where it won’t get in the way, where there isn’t much they can spoil. They’ll feel that they’re part of it—and it’s very important that they feel part of it—while, at the same time, it won’t cause any major problems. And during this period, let’s bring in as many pleasant things as possible. Let’s give them tasty treats or little games at the end of the day’s work. Then they’ll remember it as a very, very special time. Because it’s all in our hands. Everything is in the hands of Hakadosh Boruch Hu, of course, but Hakadosh Boruch Hu established that how our home runs is in our hands. If we prepare and plan properly, think about this period and its challenges, and consider how to address them wisely, then certainly, with Hashem’s help, we’ll succeed. This period and the Pesach preparations will be much happier and calmer, with many more smiles on our faces. So thank you very much. Of course, in the upcoming classes before Pesach, we’ll also discuss other very important points concerning the preparations for Pesach and Pesach itself—situations where what we want sometimes clashes with what the

13:37 children want. We’ll try, bli neder, to address those things. Until then, may you have success with the preparations. With Hashem’s help, may we merit to do all the mitzvos and the preparations for them together with our families, with joy and with a great deal of goodwill. And of course, let’s all pray that Hakadosh Boruch Hu redeem the Jewish people: that we merit the Geulah already; that the suffering hostages in Gaza merit to come home; that, with Hashem’s help, all the wounded recover; that we merit the complete Geulah with Moshiach and the resurrection of the dead, and be reunited with the holy souls who were so suddenly taken from us recently. May we merit a kosher and happy Pesach, with good news. Thank you very much. If you feel the tips in this class speak to you, share it with a friend. If you like this video, this class, it will help the class reach more people. That’s how the system works. Every comment you leave and every time you share the class helps it reach more people, so they too can benefit from these tips and bring that same sense of calm into their homes. Thank you very much. Good news, and all the best.