How do we turn our children into full partners in household tasks?

00:00 Hello, everyone. Purim has passed, and Pesach is fast approaching. To be honest, I’ve been thinking of proposing a law: no one should put products labeled “Kosher for Pesach” in their Purim mishloach manos. You get one of those packages in the middle of Purim, and suddenly it reminds you of all the work and pressure of Pesach. It takes away from the joy! So mishloach manos should be free of anything that reminds us of Pesach. But that was Purim. Purim has passed, and Pesach is approaching. The words “Pesach is approaching” bring great, exciting joy—it’s such a beautiful and important Yom Tov—but think of all the preparations it now asks of us. We have a whole month of tasks ahead, and they’ll probably only increase as the days go by. Halachah says that thirty days before a Yom Tov, we should begin studying its laws, and Pesach has many laws. We also need those thirty days to prepare emotionally and practically: to organize our homes, ourselves, and our children, so that it all goes as well as possible, with Hashem’s help. So in today’s session and the coming sessions, G-d willing, we’ll talk about preparing for Pesach and about Pesach itself—of course, with our children at the center of the discussion. Let’s start today with one point that can help us enormously and put us at ease as we prepare, especially when it comes to involving the children in all the Pesach preparations. Getting the house ready takes a lot. It isn’t just a matter of cleaning; it’s how to clean, where to clean, and what to organize. And once we’ve cleaned, things have to stay clean—children are masters at making sure that after we’ve cleaned, we’ll need to clean all over again. So what can help us bring the children on board and say, “Dear children, come help too”? How can we make that happen? What can we do to make the task easier both

02:26 for us and for them? There’s an idea so simple and so helpful that putting it into practice is genuinely calming. The idea is to prepare for Pesach in an orderly way. What does “orderly” mean? To organize things, to make a plan—a work plan: what we’ll do, when we’ll do it, and how. We’ll talk in a moment about putting that into practice, but first let’s understand just how valuable order is. We tend to think of the great Torah sages as great in Torah knowledge, in leadership, in performing miracles, and in lofty, exalted matters. But Hayom Yom says something else, and I’d like to read it. Hayom Yom was the first book the Lubavitcher Rebbe edited. It contains powerful daily sayings for every day of the year. Each day has a short saying that gives a great deal of strength and energy for the day. Hayom Yom says that one of the fundamental teachings of Chassidus is order—being organized. It says that the Baal Shem Tov was orderly. The Maggid, his disciple, was meticulous about order, and the Alter Rebbe, the disciple of the Maggid of Mezritch, taught his chassidim to be orderly. In other words, beyond what we know and whatever talents each of us has, the secret to success is knowing how to put it all in order. When things are done in an orderly way, there is blessing and success in everything we do. The Rebbe spoke several times at farbrengens about the value of being organized. He said that being organized is simply a gift from Above, and someone who hasn’t received that gift should make an effort to develop it. In this connection, the Rebbe would mention one of the great Torah sages, the Rashba. The Rashba,

04:58 Rabbi Shlomo ben Aderes, lived about seven hundred years ago and was a towering Torah scholar. Today, when we open a volume of the Talmud Bavli, we find the Rashba’s insights printed at the back. When the Rebbe mentioned him, he pointed out something remarkable: the Rashba had a blessing in his use of time. What does that mean? The Rebbe related that he gave three classes every day—serious, advanced classes. Besides that, people sent him questions on halachah and other Torah subjects, and he answered them. Only some of those answers have survived, yet that portion alone is an immense treasure. He gave substantial answers, answering the questions thoroughly. In addition, he was a doctor. He treated people, brought them medicines, listened to their problems, and advised them on how to move forward. So every day he gave classes, answered questions, and practiced medicine. And on top of all that, he found time each day to walk along the riverbank, breathe some fresh air, and refresh himself. How could someone so busy fit so much into one day? The Rebbe said it was because he was organized. What does that mean? The Rebbe explained that when the Rashba did something, he was fully immersed in it. When I’m giving a class, I’m focused only on the class. Later, when I’m treating people, I’m focused only on that. When each thing has its own clearly designated time, and you give your full attention to what you’re doing, you see a blessing in your time. We also find that people are often wished long life. On the simplest level,

07:12 what does that mean? It means living many, many years. But “long life” has another meaning too: that each day should be a long day. By a “long day,” I mean a day when we feel we managed to do this and that and something else as well, and the time didn’t slip through our fingers or get wasted on nonsense. That, too, is what “long life” can mean. When things are planned in advance, with an orderly work plan, the first benefit is that it helps us succeed. But the great benefit—and this is what matters to us here—is the peace of mind it brings. We feel pressured when we see so many tasks ahead of us and think, “How am I going to do all this? Is there any chance I’ll manage this and that as well? It doesn’t make sense; it’s imposs—how will I get everything done?” But when we put it down on paper as a work plan, it relieves the pressure and gives us strength. Many women in Jewish homes do this when Shabbos is approaching and they’re expecting lots of guests. Rather than feel pressured and lose their heads over everything they need to prepare, they take a sheet of paper and write: “On this day, I’ll prepare this. On that day, I’ll prepare that, with whoever needs to help.” She makes a list, and that puts her at ease. She knows, “These are today’s tasks.” She isn’t troubled by the eight or ten other things she still needs to make, because each has its own day and its own time. It takes away the pressure. So if we sit down and make a work plan—husband and wife together, or the wife on her own, depending on how each household handles organizing and cleaning for Pesach—and put everything down

09:10 With a chart: this room on this day, that room on that day, the refrigerator on this day, shopping on that day. We’ll break it all down and put it into the chart. And here’s our point: what is the children’s part? On such-and-such a day, they need to do their drawers in their room, the shelf, those bookshelves. That way, we break it down into things that concern them, things children are capable of doing. Then we call the children over and show them: this is what’s expected of you on this day, and this is what you’ll do on that day. It takes so much pressure off, because they know what will be expected of them. They know that on that day they won’t be asked to do anything beyond that. Everything is scheduled, there’s a work plan, and that takes away the pressure of the unknown and of having so many tasks—how are we going to get it all done? It puts things in perspective and brings a lot of calm and peace of mind. When we do this, the stress and anxiety some people feel about Pesach coming will diminish greatly, and we’ll also get cooperation from the children. And just as importantly, the atmosphere at home will be much less tense. After all, when a time like Pesach comes around, there’s more pressure at home because there are tasks that have to be finished. There’s a set date by which everything has to be done, and that makes the pressure build. The atmosphere at home can become much less pleasant. It’s like Friday before Shabbos: there’s pressure at home because at some point time will run out, and everything has to be done by then. That naturally creates a lot of stress. So when we put things in order with this work plan, with Hashem’s help, a great deal of that stress will fall away. The children will cooperate more, with a calmer heart. It will make all the preparations

11:23 for Pesach much more successful. So, with Hashem’s help, may we merit it. First of all, may we merit... We’ve just celebrated Purim, a festival of miracles. Pesach is a festival of Geulah. So in this period, in the days between Purim and Pesach, between the great miracle and the great Geulah, may we too merit great miracles and a great Geulah today, with Hashem’s help. And may all the righteous soldiers who put their lives on the line... Now, on Purim, we traveled on Purim night to bring joy to soldiers near the border, in the area of Kibbutz Ein Hashlosha. It’s really just minutes from the border, a ten-minute drive from [unclear]. We came to the soldiers there on Purim night with Megillahs, pizzas, and cans of soda, and we saw them and met with them. What self-sacrifice! It’s simply unbelievable. So may those righteous soldiers all be healthy and safe, with Hashem’s help. May we merit the hostages returning home to us healthy and safe, finally going free, finally experiencing their Geulah. And with Hashem’s help, may the wounded heal, may we merit the resurrection of the dead, and may all the holy souls who were taken from us return to be with us. May we, together with our children, reach true freedom, with great peace of mind and calm. I would be very grateful and happy if, should you feel that this idea of putting things in order, making a chart, organizing everything, and involving the children could help you, you would share it with others. Share it with a friend, and then they too will get this very simple tip that brings so much calm and peace of mind before Pesach. Thank you very much. May there be good news for the Jewish people. Wishing you much success. All the best.