Rabbi Peretz Chen | Despite the challenges: How do we smile in every situation and create a happy home?

00:00 Hello everyone. One of the great driving forces in life is joy. When there’s joy, there’s enthusiasm, motivation, a desire to do things, and the strength to overcome obstacles and challenges along the way. It’s no accident that the Alter Rebbe says in Tanya that if two people wrestle, one stronger and the other weaker, but the stronger one is sad and the weaker one is happy, the weaker one will win. Because his joy gives him such positive energy that he can overcome someone who is physically stronger but sad inside. Joy has tremendous power. Joy is contagious, too. Look at your own home: when one of the children is happy, we automatically become happier as well. When we see our parents happy, full of joy and good inner energy, that makes us happy, too. In other words, joy is contagious. The big question is how, with Hashem’s help, we can bring joy into our homes. We want our children to be happy, because if they have joy, they’ll want to do so many things. So how do we do that? In today’s class, with Hashem’s help, we’ll talk about joy and how to bring it into our homes. We’ll go a little deeper into the secret of joy. What can truly bring about joy? The first thing is that if we want our children to be happy, we need to be happy ourselves. You can’t give what you don’t have. If I want to give someone a million dollars but I don’t have a million dollars, how can I give it to him? If I want to give joy but don’t have it, how will that happen? It’s the same if I want to give someone particular knowledge that I don’t have. I can’t

02:10 give it, because I don’t have it. So how can we become happier and, as a result, give that joy and pass it on, with Hashem’s help, to our children and our families, and bring it into the atmosphere of our homes? Because if we stop and think for a moment, life gives us many, many reasons not to be happy. Life is often full of challenges; things don’t go the way we want. One child is going through this, another is going through that. There are issues in a marriage, challenges at work. Sometimes our bank balance worries us a great deal. Our health worries us, too. The security situation weighs heavily on us. So many reasons not to be happy. How, then, can we manage to be joyful? I want to begin with a story that will give us a little perspective on joy. There was a chossid named Reb Mendel Futerfas, a well-known Chabad chossid, a man of self-sacrifice who spent quite a few years in prison for observing Torah and practicing Judaism. When he arrived at the Russian prison, they put him in a cell under terrible conditions. He went into the cell and had nothing to do. Right? There wasn’t much he could do. He had no books, nothing, and no friends. So he kept murmuring to himself. What was he murmuring? Chapters of Tanya, chapters of Mishnah—reciting them from memory all the time, “You shall meditate on it day and night.” The guard noticed that this Jew was always murmuring. Then Reb Mendel heard the guard say to someone, “Another one who mutters has arrived.” Reb Mendel Futerfas thought, “Another one who mutters? Apparently there’s another chossid here.” He very much wanted

04:15 to find out who that chossid was. Somehow, he must have found favor with the guard, and he wanted the guard to arrange a meeting with the other chossid. Of course, meeting face to face was impossible; it was against prison rules. So they decided to meet in a very strange way, but it was the only option. Excuse the description: in that prison, the toilet was a hole in a corner of each cell. Below, there was apparently some sort of channel connecting all those holes. So a “meeting” meant speaking to each other through the holes. With the guard’s help, they agreed on a day and time. Reb Mendel Futerfas leaned his head toward the hole and asked, “Who’s there? Who’s the Jew, the chossid, here with me?” Then he heard a voice say, “It’s me, Reb Moishe.” Who was Reb Moishe? Reb Moishe Vishetsky. “Reb Moishe, you’re here? Wow, I can’t believe you’re here, Reb Moishe.” Then Reb Mendel Futerfas asked him, “Reb Moishe, are you happy?” Just picture the situation: both of them have their heads down by these holes, and what does he ask? “Reb Moishe, are you happy?” Reb Moishe answered, “How can I be happy? They took away my tefillin. How can I be happy?” Reb Mendel told him, “The fact that they took your tefillin is a problem. But if they took away your joy, that’s a much bigger problem. You have to be joyful.” We’re talking about two men who had no tasty food, no cup of coffee, no company—not a single normal human comfort—and Reb

06:20 Mendel Futerfas expects joy there. What’s going on? Let’s stop and consider what makes people happy. For many people, going to a good restaurant, seeing a good movie, or taking a nice vacation brings happiness. He had none of that there. But the truth is, someone whose happiness depends on a good movie, a nice vacation, or one treat or another isn’t truly happy. He constantly needs a kind of crutch to help him feel happy. His joy doesn’t come from within; he needs something external to make him happy. It’s like someone who wears glasses because without them he can’t see well. He needs that aid. Or someone who walks with crutches because without them he can’t walk. It’s the same with a person who constantly needs all sorts of external things to make him happy. What does that mean? He isn’t truly happy. He always needs outside help, and when it arrives, he’s happy. Then it ends, and the joy disappears until the next outing, until the anticipation and excitement of the next activity or pleasure. How can we develop inner joy, joy that comes from within us, from our own inner engine? Because that’s how it really should be. And notice something interesting: little children are happy. A small child is happy and delighted. Children smile a lot. They cry a lot too, of course, but they also have so much joy and so many smiles over nothing at all. Yet gradually, as we grow older, that begins to fade. We become more serious, more withdrawn, and less happy. Why does all this happen? The point is that, broadly speaking, there are two things that can help us be happy, that can help inner joy spring from within us. One thing

08:30 One is connected to learning, and the second to contemplation. Let’s start with the learning aspect—though the two are connected. It says, “The precepts of Hashem are upright, rejoicing the heart.” Torah brings a person joy. Why does Torah bring joy? What’s the reason? Why does Torah bring a person joy? It’s no coincidence that soon, when Purim arrives, we’ll read in Megillas Esther, “The Jews had light and joy and gladness and honor.” Our Sages explain: “Light” refers to Torah. Yes, the verse that speaks of joy and gladness also alludes to Torah. Torah brings joy. Why? Because we are made up of a body and a soul. That’s how we’re built. There’s a body, and inside it is the neshamah, our inner spiritual engine. Now, what happens when the body is hungry? A hungry person is irritable; a hungry person isn’t calm. Look at the children at home sometimes when they’re restless. What do we say? “Oh, they haven’t had supper.” They’re restless, and supper calms them down. The same goes for us: when we’re hungry, we’re less patient. If a parent comes home hungry, the family will pay the price, because that parent will be less patient. We need to come home less hungry. That’s very, very important. In one of our classes a few months ago, we spoke about how to come home calm, and one significant part of that is coming home with a full stomach, because when the body is hungry, it doesn’t feel good. But when the soul isn’t satisfied, when the soul is hungry, it doesn’t feel good either. The soul also wants its nourishment. There’s a particular food it wants, and our souls as Jews—our neshamah—want their food, which is Torah, learning Torah. When the soul doesn’t receive that food, that Torah, then something

10:45 is missing inside. Something feels heavy, something doesn’t feel right, something nags at us inside. And many people don’t know how to interpret that inner feeling. So they say, “Ah, let’s go have some good shawarma, watch a good movie, do this, do that.” It brings a kind of calm for a few moments, but the fact is that the feeling comes back afterward, because those things don’t truly bring the neshamah joy, peace, or inner balance. But when a Jew learns Torah, that is nourishment for our soul. It brings us a great deal of inner joy, peace and calm. People who learn Torah are happy with a deep inner joy, without all sorts of external aids. So first of all, if we want to be happier people, there’s no magic here. You can’t take a pill and become happy. It isn’t hocus-pocus. You have to do something. And one of those things is setting regular times for Torah study. That applies to men and women alike. Learn something. Choose a topic. Shabbos is approaching, so study a topic connected to the weekly parsha. But don’t study it superficially. Study it carefully, take your time and understand it well and deeply. Suddenly, we’ll feel an inner energy, an inner joy, an inner vitality that we didn’t have before. That brings a person joy. Young children already have that joy, because the inner conflict between the soul and the body hasn’t really developed in them yet. But as we grow older, especially when we reach bar mitzvah or bas mitzvah age, the G-dly soul is within us in its full strength and begins to make its demands. When those demands aren’t met, it sends out a signal of distress. That’s why, at those ages, children who were happy suddenly become a little more withdrawn and less... Why? One reason is that the soul wants something and isn’t receiving it, so it

12:51 expresses a lack of joy. The more we give it what it needs, the happier it will be. Again, “The precepts of Hashem are upright, rejoicing the heart.” Hashem’s precepts bring joy to the heart. So if we want joy, learning Torah is one point. There’s another point, connected to the first: we need to contemplate a little. In Igeres Hakodesh, chapter 11 of Tanya, the author of the Tanya, the Alter Rebbe, says that if a person wants to be happy—actually, he doesn’t say “if a person wants to.” He says a person must be happy. Why? There, he gives an exceptionally deep and powerful explanation of why a Jew must, must, must always be happy, no matter what happens. To understand what’s written there, let me first tell a story. A very, very beautiful story is told about the Rebbe’s grandfather, Rabbi Meir Shlomo Yanovsky. The Rebbe was born on 11 Nissan, and his bris was on 18 Nissan. That falls in the middle of Pesach, during Chol Hamoed, and the bris took place in the home of his grandfather, Rabbi Meir Shlomo. Of course, the food served at the bris was kosher for Pesach, but one of the guests, Rabbi Asher Grossman, didn’t eat. He didn’t want to eat the food, because people are more stringent on Pesach. The Rebbe’s grandfather, Rabbi Meir Shlomo Yanovsky, noticed that this man wasn’t eating. He turned to Rabbi Asher and said, “The truth is, I should be upset with you. What do you mean, you won’t eat in the rabbi’s home? You don’t trust the rabbi? I’m the rabbi! But I won’t be upset with you, because you saved my life.” People heard this and didn’t understand what Rabbi Asher had done to save Rabbi Meir Shlomo Yanovsky’s life.

14:57 Then they learned the following story. At that time, there was an epidemic of typhus that claimed many lives. And, unfortunately, the Rebbe’s grandfather contracted it too. In those days, anyone who caught the disease was taken to a quarantine facility so they wouldn’t infect others. Many people died there. Some survived, but there wasn’t really a cure for the disease, so that was what they did: they quarantined those who had it, just as happened with us during COVID. The Rebbe’s grandfather became ill and was put there. He related that being there among sick and dying people, with death all around him, made despair sink in very, very deeply. But his friend Rabbi Asher couldn’t bear to see his friend, the rabbi, in such a state. What did he do? He took a Tanya, opened it to Igeres Hakodesh, chapter 11, which begins with the words “Lehaskilcha Binah,” and went every day to stand by a window of the quarantine building and read that letter. Day after day after day. He didn’t know whether his friend could hear him, but he thought, “Maybe, maybe, maybe he can hear, and it will give him a little strength.” And so he did, day after day after day. Eventually, Rabbi Meir Shlomo Yanovsky came out, and he told Rabbi Asher, “You should know that what you read every day gave me strength. I’m alive thanks to that, thanks to you. Thank you very much.” That’s why he told him at the bris, “Although you aren’t eating my food, and that should make me upset with you, I won’t be upset, because you saved my”

16:44 Life. What does that wonderful letter say that gives us strength even in situations like these? It’s well worth it for everyone to open it up and study it carefully. But the central point, as the Alter Rebbe, the author of the Tanya, explains there, is that no evil descends from Above. Why? Why does no evil descend from Above? Because Hakadosh Boruch Hu creates the world anew from nothing every second, every moment. Right now, right now, right now, He is creating me too, every moment, from nothing. So His involvement with us isn’t that He created us and that was it. He creates us every second; He is involved with us every moment. And He is the very essence of goodness. There’s a principle that it is the nature of goodness to do good. So every moment He creates me, is involved with me, brings me into being anew. He is good, and it is the nature of goodness to do good, so only good descends from Above. Ah, but if that’s so, why do I see bad things? There are difficulties with children, livelihood, health, marriage, work—so many difficulties. It’s because we can’t always grasp it. Sometimes the good is a kind of good that is hidden from our eyes. We don’t see the good, but in truth, it is real good. Even when it doesn’t look good to us, it is what’s best for us. And how many times has it happened to each of us—admit it—that something we thought was bad for us turned out to be the best thing for us? Everyone has stories and experiences like that from their own life, every man and woman. Sometimes we see it right away, sometimes we see it later, but it really is for our good. One door closed, and we gained another door that opened. There are so many examples from life. So, the Alter Rebbe says here, even when something looks bad to us because we don’t

18:36 have deep, inner understanding or the ability to see the long-term picture, no evil descends from Above, and everything is good. He even says something very strong there: someone who doesn’t believe this is simply denying a fundamental truth, because he doesn’t understand at all how this world works. So when we reflect on this again and again, study this letter, think it over—something happened to me, but it is certainly for my good, because Hashem is directing it. Hashem is the director of the entire story unfolding here in the world. He is the director, and He is a good director who does only good. So in truth there is no evil, no evil, no evil in the world; no evil descends from Above. When a person reflects on this again and again, it fills us with joy, peace of mind, faith, optimism, perspective, and calm. That is worth so much. So to reach inner joy—not joy that comes from external things, which isn’t true inner joy, but joy that comes from within us and radiates outward—we need to give the soul its food, the nourishment it wants so much: Torah study. And we need to reflect on the fact that everything truly comes from Hashem, that He is good, that it is the nature of goodness to do good, and that every moment He creates us with His greatest goodness. As we reflect on this and internalize it more and more, we’ll have much more joy in our lives. Then we’ll be able to radiate it to others without much effort. It will be there within us, and it will come across. We’ll come home with motivation, joy, and positive energy. That will come across too. Of course, it will also show in our behavior, our speech, and the way we respond to everything we encounter. It will come across to others. So, do we want to give our children joy? First, let’s fill ourselves with joy, and then, with Hashem’s help, it will reach them too. Of course, once again, one

20:47 of the things that will help make this happen is to keep at it. If we think just once about what was said here, about this reflection, it won’t really help. But if we think about it, if we reflect on it from time to time—when I go to sleep at night, I lie there for a minute or two, even half a minute, and think about it. Before I begin Shacharis in the morning, I think about it again. At different opportunities during the day, when I’m thinking and planning, I think about it. Slowly, it will sink in. From time to time, let’s open Letter 11 in Igeres Hakodesh in the Tanya and study it. Let’s set regular times for Torah study and fill ourselves with positive energy. Then, with Hashem’s help, “The Jews had light and joy and gladness and honor.” At this time, the Jewish people so desperately need open joy. May we merit, with Hashem’s help, that Moshiach come and there be true joy, and that all the painful things happening now—the war and, G-d forbid, people being wounded—not happen again, G-d forbid. May the hostages return, may the wounded recover, may Moshiach come, and may the holy souls who were murdered recently rise in the resurrection of the dead. With Hashem’s help, may all of this stop, and may we merit true joy. If you feel this class gave you a meaningful insight for life, share it with others. Share it with a friend, give it a like too; that will help it reach more Jews. Leave a comment with an insight of your own. It will enrich us and help more Jews receive this message. May we hear good news. Have a joyful month! Good news for the Jewish people. Thank you very much.