How to Get People to Behave Properly in Shul

How to Get People to Behave Properly in Shul

Welcome to our weekly program, The Inside Story of Chabad in America, through the Mindel Archives.

We are now in the month of Elul, a month of cheshbon hanefesh — an accounting. Just like a businessman, at the end of the year, during tax season, sits down and makes an accounting — did he lose money this year, did he gain money this year, and if he lost, how can it be better the coming year — the same thing: the month of Elul, the end of the year, a person makes an accounting of the past year, and how he will be better the coming year.

Also, Elul is a time of which it's said: the king is in the field. A whole year, to get to the king you have to have nice clothes, and you have to go through a guard, and this guard lets you in — or this guard doesn't like you and they send you back. But when it comes to the month of Elul, the king comes out to everybody. It doesn't matter if you have dirty clothes — I don't mean physical clothes, I mean it doesn't matter what situation the person is in — and the king answers each and every one.

As is always said, Elul is a preparation for Rosh Hashanah. The shammash used to, at 4:00 in the morning, knock on the window of all the houses and say, "Yidden, wake up, wake up for Selichos, wake up" — to say Selichos in the morning. It's a special time.

Since we are getting closer to Rosh Hashanah, I want to share with you a vort that I heard from my father-in-law — it's a beautiful vort. He says it says in the Machzor, right at the beginning of [unclear], that certain letters are written large — the yud of [unclear] is big, the reish of [unclear] is big, the head of the alef of [unclear], the base of [unclear], the kuf of [unclear], and the hay of [unclear]. Why — why all of a sudden is it big?

So my father-in-law gave a very interesting answer. Yitzchak wanted to bless Eisav, his son, and he says — Yitzchak says to Eisav, "Go and get food and I'll bless you before I die." So he went to get food. Rivka, the wife, the mother, heard what Yitzchak told Eisav. She ran to Yaakov and said, "I'll prepare food — I heard that your father's going to bless Eisav. I want to prepare it fast — go and get the blessing before Eisav comes."

So the question is: Rivka — such a holy mother — Yitzchak was blind, maybe he didn't know what was happening, but Rivka knew, she was the mother. Couldn't she go over to Yitzchak and say, "Listen, I'm a mother, I know my children, I know Eisav is a rasha"? Why didn't she tell him? What did she do instead? She went and put the clothes of Eisav on Yaakov — Eisav had clothes that he used to wear when he would hunt — and she put it on him, so that just in case his father wanted to touch him, he would feel that this is Eisav. Couldn't she just tell him the truth? Why did she have to go about it this way?

So he says the answer is that Rivka knew that the blessing was not only for Yaakov, but for all Jews, until the end of days. She wanted that even if a Jew wears the clothes of Eisav, he should also be blessed — even if a Jew is like Eisav, he should be blessed, because he's a Yid. And this is what she accomplished by doing it that way.

That's why, if you look at the Machzor, it shows you — it says, right at the beginning, not every Shabbos, only on Yom Kippur, because these are for the Jews who come to shul once a year — that this one should be blessed. And right at the beginning you say — you right away look at this, to remind yourself what Rivka did, and why she did it in such a way. I think it's a beautiful vort that I heard from my father-in-law.

Now, since people are going to shul now, I want to read to you, first of all, a telegram, and also a short letter that the Rebbe wrote about people in shul.

So let me read first the telegram. This telegram is — I mean, it's a shocking telegram that the Rebbe wrote, written to somebody — which I'm surprised that he asked such a question. I'm just going to read the telegram the way that the Rebbe wrote it:

"It is absolutely forbidden to travel on Yom Tov to blow shofar, or read [the Torah], or conduct any congregational service. Therefore, unless you can spend Rosh Hashanah near the congregation [without traveling], it is forbidden to desecrate Yom Tov by traveling, even for the above purposes. May Hashem grant you success in fulfilling the mitzvah — his mitzvah of spreading [Yiddishkeit] — but not in a wrong and contrary way. With blessing for a truly good and sweet year."

And the Rebbe signs his name on this telegram.

Some people — people come for shul, they want to hear shofar, and shofar is such a holy thing, so what, so they'll travel? I mean, the Rebbe was very surprised by this question. So this is a lesson for everybody, that at least people should know that the Rebbe does not like when people travel on Yom Tov. And this is the telegram from the Rebbe.

Now I want to read to you another letter — that somebody asked the Rebbe: people speak in shul, it's a holy day, so what should be their approach to make people stop talking in shul?

"Greeting and blessing: This is to acknowledge receipt of your letter of May 10th, in which you write about the unbecoming conduct of some congregants in shul during prayer." This was not specifically about Yom Kippur — this was before — but the same thing goes on any time a person is in shul — "and you ask for some suggestions to deal with the problem of people speaking in shul." The conduct — not only the speaking, but the conduct in general.

So the Rebbe writes: "I trust there is no need to emphasize to you at length that, as has always been the case, and especially nowadays, it is much easier to influence people in a cordial and pleasant way, as it is written, 'the ways of the Torah are ways of pleasantness, and all its paths are peace.' Thus, in order to be effective, it is necessary to make a personal approach, not in the presence of others, and certainly not publicly, which is also a transgression in itself. And while it is a mitzvah in the Torah to admonish a fellow Jew, the din requires that the first approach be made in a personal and quiet manner, not in the presence of others. Since it concerns Jews who are observant and responsive to mitzvos, there is the assurance that words coming from the heart enter the heart, and are eventually effective."

And then the Rebbe writes: "In these days we learn Pirkei Avot — you surely remember the Mishnah which says, be among the disciples of Aharon, loving peace, pursuing peace, loving creatures and bringing them close to Torah. Be it remembered that Aharon was the Kohen, yet he did not consider it beneath him to go to people and speak to them personally, and do everything possible that there should be true peace — peace between a Jew and his Father in Heaven, as well as peace between one Jew and another Jew, through proper conduct in accordance with the Torah."

And then the Rebbe finishes: "The present days are particularly auspicious for this, being days of preparation for Rosh Hashanah, which was [a time of] true unity and peace, as it is written, 'And Israel' — the whole Jewish people — 'encamped there facing the mountain,' meaning that they were all united like one person, with the spirit of achdus on Sinai, on which the Torah was about to be given. So may Hashem help you — peace between people, peace in the world."

And this is what the Rebbe answers. So we see from here how people should behave. So this is a preparation before Yom Kippur — how we should conduct ourselves in shul.

So now, before we finish, I want to wish everybody — everybody should have good children first; if you have good children, then your life this year will be good. Thank you.