The Rebbe’s Words To Ease the Pain

The Rebbe's Words to Ease the Pain

Welcome to our weekly program, The Inside Story of Chabad in America, through the Mindel Archives.

Today's program is devoted to all people from our community, to neighbors, friends, and people from all over the world who are suffering and in mourning. This unusual epidemic has sadly taken the lives of many people. Many people are mourning, so we couldn't be menachem avel in person - so this program will be a program of nichum aveilim.

People had asked me this week - since I have letters from the Rebbe, English letters, the Igrot Kodesh - and there are many, many letters that are not printed yet about nichum aveilim from the Rebbe - people want to hear the holy words from the Rebbe and hope to ease the pain of many. They want to hear what the Rebbe says about the situation, or what the Rebbe used to be menachem avel. In the early years, in the '40s, the Rebbe even went to be menachem avel in person. Then the Rebbe wrote letters, so they are in the letters - some letters are printed in the volume Nichum Aveilim that we printed, but many are not there.

So what I did was I collected some letters from different letters - different letters that the Rebbe wrote to people who lost their spouse, people who lost their parents, people who lost their children - some a tragic accident, some natural. So there are certain different letters, and I put together some of the paragraphs that I took out from what the Rebbe had said. These are all from the Rebbe, the Rebbe wrote them - I want to emphasize, the Rebbe is the author of all these letters - and I hope that this will ease the pain of the people that are mourning.

But before that I want to say something. Shlomo HaMelech, who was the smartest person that ever lived, always wore a ring, and on the ring it said the letters Gimel, Zayin, Yud, meaning "Gam Zeh Ya'avor" - this too shall pass. Everything in this world passes - the seasons, summer, winter, fall, spring - it passes. People are born and people pass away - it passes. The body passes. Fame passes - people today are famous, they rule over a city, and tomorrow things change to the opposite. Health - today a person is sick, and tomorrow he becomes healthy, or the opposite. Business - today you have money, tomorrow you don't have money. Everything changes - except the neshamah, the piece of G-d within a person, the failure [this always stays] - this always, always stays. And with this I want to introduce the Rebbe's letters that I'm going to read, what the Rebbe wrote. So every word is holy. These are words - these are letters to people doing nichum aveilim.

**[The Rebbe's letter:]**

Blessing and greeting. I am in receipt of your letter, in which you write about the tragedy in the family. Needless to say, I have heard and been informed about it. It is of course difficult to alleviate the shock of such a tragedy by mere words; however, I wish to emphasize one basic point which must always be remembered, namely, that G-d is the Creator and Master of the world at large and of each and every individual in particular. Although G-d's ways are inscrutable, we must nevertheless firmly believe that there is a purpose in everything, and also some hidden good, however difficult it is to see or understand.

In other words, the Rebbe is saying here two things: number one, everybody should have emunah - they should have faith; and also, that there is a purpose in everything, and in everything there is hidden good.

**[Continuing the letter:]**

A further basic and most important point to remember is that the soul is eternal, and that it has an existence independent of the body, which it only inhabits for a brief period during its sojourn on this earth. It is therefore not only a matter of religious faith but also of common sense that the life of the soul cannot be affected by any physical interference, nor can it be interrupted by a bullet or any act of physical violence - such an act can only affect the soul's connection with the body, but not the soul itself.

Another point the Rebbe makes here: it is also clear that the attachment and love of parents for their children are not based on the physical aspects of the body, but rather on the spiritual aspects - personality, character, qualities, and so on - in other words, all the things which are lasting and are not terminated by the soul's departure from the body. Meaning, the Rebbe says that the attachment of a parent to a child, or a child to a parent, is not about the body - it's about the character.

**[Continuing the letter:]**

I have also had the occasion to mention that even during the soul's sojourn in this life, when clothed in a physical body, the real bond between people and members of the family is not the physical one but a spiritual one, for what makes the real person is not his flesh and bones but his character and spiritual qualities. There is this difference, however: that the soul of a Jew always wants to do good, and so long as it is connected with the body in this life, it can do good for itself. But after departing from the world and rising to the higher world, the World of Truth, where its desire to do all that is good and holy is even greater, not being encumbered any more by the physical body, it can no longer do good deeds in this world for itself, but must depend upon those near and dear ones left behind.

In other words, the neshamah cannot do good anymore - only in this world, not in the other world - but the neshamah wants to do good, the neshamah wants things to happen, but it can't. So who can fulfill that? The people that are left in this world. What the Rebbe is saying is that when they do this, this makes the neshamah happy - especially parents doing all the mitzvahs that the departed would have done.

**[Continuing the letter:]**

In other words, in addition to all the good that the parents and relatives of the departed soul do in fulfillment of their own obligations, they now have the obligation to do a little more, on behalf of and for the sake of the dear departed soul. The soul, which is now in the higher world, derives great satisfaction from what is done for it in terms of additional mitzvahs, and is very grateful for it, although it cannot directly convey this gratitude. The soul has pleasure from when people do good deeds, but the soul itself cannot do anything more.

What I want to bring out is that just as during your daughter's lifespan on this earth - since your daughter passed away - you tried your utmost to benefit her, and you did so willingly and with inspiration, seeing how it also benefited her, you can now also continue to benefit her no less than before. For every good deed which you will do, particularly every good deed which you will do for the benefit of her soul, will indeed benefit her and will also be a source of true gratification to her soul.

So whatever a person does in this world, this helps the soul, and the soul is happy. When a person does what the neshamah wants to do - what the person wanted to do in this world, he could do, but now in the other world again - so there's always a connection between the person here and the person that passed away.

**[Continuing the letter:]**

Now, speaking to a parent - since, as you write, you feel so attached to your mother, surely you want to give her pleasure, not displeasure. It certainly is no pleasure for your mother to see you withdraw from the world and be so dejected. On the contrary, she wants to see you happy, energetic, and active, even more than ever before.

So if a person is excessive in mourning, as we say, then the neshamah suffers - the neshamah of the person that passed away wants you to be happy. It is unnecessary to emphasize that a feeling of depression can only interfere with any good activity, not to mention the fact that the soul of departed parents feels sad when the children are sad, and happy when the children are happy.

I once heard from Reb Grodner [?] that the Rebbe once said - I heard from him - that if a person is excessive in mourning in this world, the Aibishter is likewise excessive in mourning with that person Above. So the more one mourns, the more one dwells on mourning, the more excessive it becomes - so the neshamah is happy when you are happy down here.

**[Continuing the letter:]**

Now I want to bring out something very, very interesting about the yetzer hara. It is possible to enlarge upon the above, but knowing your family background and tradition, I trust that the above will suffice. I might add, however, that one must beware of the yetzer hara - the evil inclination - who is very crafty and knows that certain people cannot be approached openly and without disguise, so he tries to trick them by disguising himself in a mantle of piety and emotionalism, saying: "You know, G-d has prescribed a period of mourning, which shows that it is the right thing to do - otherwise G-d would not have prescribed a period of mourning - so why not do more, extend the period of mourning, do more mourning." This whole approach is the yetzer hara. He will even encourage a person to give tzedakah - a lot of tzedakah - in memory of the soul, learn Torah - a lot of Torah - and do mitzvahs - a lot of mitzvahs - in memory of the soul, except that in each case it would be associated with sadness and pain. In this way he may succeed in distracting the person from the fact that the Torah requires a Jew to serve G-d with joy - he wants to take away the simcha.

And this is a lesson for people that are mourning - that we have to observe a certain period of mourning, but that's it; the main thing is to be besimcha. So the person that is in the other world - a husband, a wife, a child, a parent - they're happy when we are happy here.

And I can say it over again - I heard once from my father, my father said that once there was a Gaon - I think it was Reb [Remai, possibly Shlomis? - unclear] - who forgot to say Kaddish for his mother. And so his mother came to him in a dream, and his mother said to him: "My son, I know you forgot to say Kaddish - I forgive you - but I will not forgive you that you didn't give out schnapps and cake." Because when people have a yahrzeit and they don't make a farbrengen, the neshamah wants us to be happy, the neshamah wants us to be happy. So when people get together, when they give out schnapps and cake, and you sit and you farbreng, and you say l'chaim to each other, and you sing a niggun - that's the happiest thing for the neshamah. The neshamah is very happy, and it's even more important than saying Kaddish.

**[Continuing the letter - written before Pesach:]**

May G-d grant that, inasmuch as we are approaching - this letter was written before Pesach - the festival of our freedom, including also freedom from everything that distracts a Jew from serving G-d wholeheartedly and with joy - and here the Rebbe underlined the word "joy" - that this should be so also with you, in the midst of all our people, and that you be a source of inspiration and strength to your husband, children, and grandchildren, and all around you.

Since now we're in the month of Iyar - and the Rebbe always spoke about Iyar being roshei teivos for "Ani Hashem Rofecha" - "I am G-d, your Healer" - this is the month of healing. So the Rebbe's wish is that everybody who is in the hospital, and all who need a refuah sheleimah because of [the epidemic - unclear], it should be [unclear], we should see [unclear] tonight, and we should merit to be besimcha, uvezos nomar - because simcha poretz geder, geshmak in Hashem.

Next week we will continue our Thursday night program. Thank you.